Psyched in Stilettos

You know those conversations we all dread? Like telling the boy you've been seeing that you want out of the relationship, or informing your co-worker that things just aren't working in the office?

Well, dread no longer. Body-mind therapy experts Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D. and Gay Hendricks, Ph.D. have outlined a technique that will allow you to speak your difficult truth in a way that people will actually thank you for! Their tip?

Be unarguable. When you speak in unarguable terms, people can't - and don't - argue back.

Here's an example: telling your boss "I'm feeling really stressed with my workload" as opposed to "You're totally stressing me out".

Using "I" language throughout a confrontational conversation is super-powerful -- I've used it during an 'email argument' in the past and it was very effective. By revealing your inner experience, thoughts and feelings, you avoid pointing the finger and blaming the other person, which sets up a very interesting power balance. The Hendricks advise that you "speak first from your three major feeling zones," which are:

Zone 1: Your neck, shoulders and mid-back, and feelings of tension and anger.
Zone 2: Your throat and chest, and feeling sad and heavy.
Zone 3: Your stomach and beltline area, and feeling tense and scared.

Using the techniques outlined above, a conversation with a boyfriend might go like this:

"For a long time I've been feeling sad and disappointed. I can feel it right now in my chest, and I can hear it in my voice. I don't think I'm getting what I want in our relationship. I feel angry a lot at you, and although I feel scared about being by myself, I think I'd rather face that fear than continue to feel what I've been experiencing the past year."

This statement does not place blame, and it does not open up an argument -- it simply speaks the truth.

Now it's your turn to write down on a piece of paper those people you're ready to confront in life, thus shedding some of those emotional blockages we all carry around for weeks, months and years. You'll feel awesome afterwards!